hey :)

[loz91]

Hi everyone

been browsing for a while, so I thought i better come say Hi

seems like a great forum

ermm...dont know what to say really well, I'm 18, I had problems with depression when I was around 14/15, finally managed to get my life sorted out, got a job, things started to get better. recently things have started going downhill again...started really struggling with work, and I could feel myself slipping deeper and deeper into depression again. I didn't really know what to do, as then i had times when i felt great, for weeks at a time, I barely slept, I was so happy, it was like nothing was wrong, my friends loved it and said i was really fun to be around, so how could i have depression if i felt like this? I really couldnt understand it. I started reading alot of stuff on the internet about depresison, then one day i read something about Bipolar, i had heard of it before but didnt really know much about it, and I think it was then that something clicked.
so eventually i plucked up the courage to go and see my gp, which i found really really hard, i missed my first appointment as i was too scared to leave the house, i was lucky to get another one 2 days later, and i had to get my mum to take me to make sure i went. I'm currently seeing her every 2 weeks, which i still find really hard, I just can't relax around people I dont know, so find it really hard to talk. I end up coming out really angry with myself, as i want to be totally honest about how i feel this time, as last time i wasnt, and it really didnt help, but i get so nervous i just cant help it...
I ended up quitting my job at the end of january, after 3 horirble months of forcing myself to carry on, I just couldnt do it anymore. I was becoming increasingly paranoid, and I found it hard to contain my tears infront of people whilst i was there, I just couldnt do it anymore, I felt like it was making me worse.

anyways, I think I'll stop now or I'll ramble on forever...

[Twylight]

Hello and welcome to the forum

[emski]

to the forum

[Lion Heart]

to the forum loz91,your problems are very common mate so do not feel alone.

may i ask,how do you feel about yourself ? do you like yourself ?.

& about the bipolar, i thought i had it not so long ago too,but now i am very sure i am normal,so unless a doc tells you thats what you have,forget about that for now ok because you proberly do not have it.

[starfish]

i hope you feel better soon. i am sure you will be able to get another job when you feel better. you may like to try a couple of hours of voluntary work.take care

[loz91]

Thanks for the replies

I have thought about voluntary work, I did a bit before i found my last job, I just feel like every time i try and do something normal, like volunteer somewhere or a get job, it just seems to go wrong and i end up back at the beginning again. I think i find it hard commiting to things, since i can feel so different one week to the next, sometimes I'm really up for it, and other times I just can't do it. I suppose if i try and do something maybe just once a week it might not be so bad.

I feel ok about myself at the moment, Ive had a pretty normal week, which is almost confusing as I begin to question if there is anything wrong at all going to see my gp seems to make me feel really low for a few days at the moment, I get so nervous before i go, not sure why really, since i know its silly, not sure whether its sitting in a waiting room full of people, or talking to her that makes me more scared
I do try to forget about bipolar, I think it was just finding more about it made me realise that I might have a problem, which I think is what reluctantly pushed me into getting help again..